I just put together this love potion amulet.  But it's no ordinary potion, and no ordinary love. 

First off, most potions you drink. But that's just sketchy. This is a combination of ancient oils to massage on your temples.   Secondly, most love potions make someone fall in love with you.  But where's the fun in that? It's like playing soccer with no opposing team.   No, this is a different kind of love potion.

This potion makes you fall in love... with yourself.

But let's take a step back to explain how I got here.

You may know of a ritual in which you write down exactly what you want in a lover.  Half the couples I know in the spiritual / self-development world made lists of exactly what they want in a partner, and a vision of their life together.    As a fan of Tony Robbins, NLP, and every other discipline that believes thoughts shape our world, I have done this several times. 

Sometimes it works with shocking success (and I learn about things I should have included on the list).  Other times it's felt as though God took the list from my hands and said, "Hmmm, yeah. You don't really want this. I know you think you do. But I got something in better in mind. Oh, and in the meantime I'm going to put you through a few trials and tribulations to get you ready."

So at this point I've become rather tired of the shopping list approach to "manifesting" the perfect partner. I'm much more interested in what's simple and of absolute most importance.  As Mr. Rogers said before his death, "Life is simple and deep. But we make it complex and shallow."

Now I know that one simple thing.

When I met dating expert David Shade at Burning Man, he told me about a product he created called "Selecting Women Wisely." He spent 5 years happily married to a beautiful woman, and they had children together.  Then she left him for a "bad boy" and he was devastated. Looking back he realized he had chosen very poorly. He chose a person who was never happy enough to fully be there with him. The reason?  She had very little self-esteem.  She didn't value herself highly, so she had to always look for validation on the outside.

In other words, she didn't love herself.

It felt like a revelation to hear this. I looked back on my lists and saw this one quality throughout, like quarks running the energy within every atom and molecule. If we love ourselves, in other words, if we fully accept ourselves, admire ourselves, and trust ourselves to learn from our experiences, then we can be happy in any situation.

Could I fall in love with anyone who loves themselves? Of course not. But I see how crucial it is, and how every other desirable quality can disappear in the face of its lack.

So why the potion?   I have a strong desire to see people strip away all the self-criticism, drama and stress so that they can fully shine, smile and light up the room. That's when we make friends for life, help each other grow, or just go on some wild crazy adventures.

Here's to the eye-opening, scary, wondrous, brilliant, torrid love affair with ourself.

I'm thinking about this word because I just flipped through the channels to see the special 200th episode of Dancing with the Stars and team Kristi is kicking team Apollo's arse, and it's clear why.... Team Kristi's moves are sexy, sexy, and sexy.

So what does that word mean? The interesting thing is that it doesn't mean "sex" at all. In fact,  if something is blatantly about sex (like pornography) then it's really not sexy, it's just tacky.   The word sexy means "arousing sexual desire" - which is both our most base, animalistic pursuit, and simultaneously our most spiritual means of connection.

Think about that... our most animal desire, AND our most spiritual craving to merge with another person and create life.

Can you imagine if that was the emotion your product evoked?

Imagine a brand new black BMW pulls up next to you. Does it make the driver gorgeous, smooth, elegant, fast and in control? No! Not at all. But wow does it evoke those emotions.

People don't actually buy the thing they're buying. They are really buying the emotion that they believe the product will give them. They are buying the "future state" they will be in, once they have it in their possession.

The mistake I see marketers making is that they're just too blatant (much like pornography).  Simply giving benefits, reasons, and features is a losing game. It's like walking up to someone and trying to explain that you're a very cool person.  It just feels wrong, even if you make a good case.

So "How do we get them to buy?" is never a good question.  The better question is what emotion are you selling? And how can you show that without even saying a word.