The Big Cleanse

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“Wow, you went from looking excited all night to totally scared,” he said.

 

I was wrapping up dinner with Mastin Kipp, the editor of The Daily Love. It felt like meeting a long lost brother. And both of us being coaches, we offered our thoughts, feedback, advice.  At the end, I asked him his intuition about me… “You have a big heart. You really want to give a lot. But I think you need to focus. I sense you’re distracting yourself. There’s something you really don’t want to feel, and I don’t know what that is.”

 

That was when I started looking scared. I think I even gripped the table.  I knew he was right, but I had no idea what that feeling was. And I had a sense that even if I did know it, knowledge wouldn’t do much.

 

He said the only way to really get to the core of what we’re feeling is to eliminate all the things that are distracting us from those emotions. That includes alcohol, drugs, caffeine, sugar, sex, masturbation, even flirting. It includes eliminating wheat, dairy, and taking a range of vitamins, enzymes, and alkaline water. I decided to add to the list:  No TV, and no radio in the car so I can really hear any thought or emotion I may be avoiding.

 

I’m almost two weeks into it and it’s been quite a roller coaster. The physical detox has not been hard because I tend to be healthy anyway, but my thoughts have been all over the place. I’ve been quite irritable, finding something annoying in almost every situation (or every person).  It’s like all this blame is getting out of my system. I have to be very, very careful not to act on my thoughts because I know they’re very temporary and very misguided.  And I’ve had a lot of thoughts of self-hatred. That’s actually nothing new for me, but my usual strategy would be to immediately think something different, whereas now it’s like I’m watching another person. It’s kind of eerie, but in a cool way.

 

What’s even more eerie is my sleep patterns. Almost every night I go to bed around 10 and then I’m wide awake at 3am. Often I’ll get a lot of work done, or read. But one night I realized that beyond all the physical vices, I actually have mental vices.  I spent about 5 hours researching crazy business ideas and reading up on economic and alien conspiracies. As the sun started to rise, I realized that while it was fun it made me anxious, tense and I really had nothing good to show for it.

 

Sometimes I feel totally at peace, especially after a Kundalini yoga class. Sometimes everything makes perfect sense, sometimes I’m totally confused, or my body is just covered in pain.  But the roller coaster isn’t even the hard part. It’s interesting, it’s fascinating. It’s weird…  The hard part is when those emotions end. When it’s just me. Alone. Deeply tired in a way I can’t explain. Wondering what the point is, to anything.

 

“What are you most afraid of?” Heather asked.  She and David are two amazing healers.

 

I lied there on the table, thinking of one image… “Buried alive. Definitely getting buried alive. I think that would be the worst possible scenario.”

 

I went there in my mind. Not avoiding it, but actually visualizing myself there. Lying in the casket as we worked through what that means – Being alone, in the dark, totally constrained, no way out. And facing it, the fear disappeared. I felt warm and relaxed, and she whispered, “What if you’re not really in the casket… What if you’re in the womb?”

 

And then it was like my world shifted through this paradoxical feeling like I hadn’t gone anywhere but I’m in a totally new place.

 

I had this incredible feeling that my life is about to begin…

 

Chocolate?…what you really crave

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I keep several bars of dark chocolate in drawers at work. It’s an amazing superfood. But I’ve discovered the intense craving is not about the delicious fat/caffeine/theobromine combination with a little sugar. It’s actually about the magnesium.

 

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The book, The Magnesium Miracle, states that it can treat the following (I especially found it true for #1)

 

1.
Anxiety and panic attacks- because it helps keep adrenal stress hormones under control
2.
Asthma – both histamine production and bronchial spasms increase with magnesium deficiency
3.
Blood clots – magnesium prevents blood clots and thins blood without side effects.
4.
Bowel disease – magnesium deficiency is one of the main causes of constipation.
5.
Cystitis – bladder spasms are worsened by a magnesium deficiency.
6.
Depression – serotonin (mood elevator) is dependent on magnesium for its production and function.
7.
Heavy metals – magnesium is essential for the removal of heavy metals such as aluminum and lead.
8.
Diabetes – magnesium facilitates the production of insulin and the transfer of glucose into the cells.
9.
Fatigue – magnesium deficiency affects hundreds of enzymes, and fatigue is one of the first signs of a magnesium deficiency.
10.
Heart disease – The heart requires magnesium as does all muscles.
11.
Hypertension, hypoglycemia, insomnia, kidney disease, migraines, nerve problems, PMS, osteoporosis, Raynaud’s syndrome, and tooth decay are all aggravated, and sometimes caused by a magnesium deficiency.
 

 

I recommend the following ways to supplement it:

 

 

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Ancient Minerals states that best form of absorption is through the skin. So their oils, moisturizers and bath salts can be used this way. Note: Don’t get the oil for massage. Use their gel instead for that. 

 

 

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Calm Natural can be taken at night and helps a lot for getting to sleep as well. Make sure to follow their instructions of using hot water first.

 

I predict that in the not too distant future the media will be picking up on this, much the same way they picked up on Omega-3’s years and years after the healthy communities knew about it. 

 

All this to stay, I still love my dark chocolate. I just don’t have that intense need for it like I did before.

So you want to partner with (company)

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Having the incredible privilege of working with an amazing brand, I get a lot of people asking about partnerships of one kind or another. If you are considering approaching any company about a partnership, sales pitch, joint venture, etc, then I hope this will help you.

 

First, keep in mind that managers are very busy. Time to evaluate partnerships are not built into their schedules. And unless you are coming from a very strong reference, then they usually will not even have 15 minutes to meet and talk.  So how can you prepare yourself to have the greatest chance of success?

 

1. Do your homework
Make sure to research both the brand and the person you will contact. Show that you have taken the time to educate yourself through what is currently available online, so that you use any conversation time for highly relevant questions and proposals.

 

2. Know what you want
Don’t ask to brainstorm or find ways to collaborate.  As leaders, we do not have time to look at your business or product and then figure out how it connects with ours. That is not mission critical for us. That’s your job to figure it out, and relate it back to our business needs.

 

3. Be passionate
If you’re not thrilled about what you have to offer, why should we be?  My rule for considering any proposal or project is – If it’s not a “Hell yeah!” then it’s a no. Time and resources are too precious to spend on anything less.

 

Remember, there may be several steps before getting to a yes (in fact it’s better to start small). Consider what those might be in advance. Prepare for success.  But if it’s a no, then you may want to ask for feedback as it can be incredibly helpful for future proposals.

What fear really is…

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I’ve developed a new relationship to fear.

 

To understand it, I first had to realize that I am neither my thoughts nor my emotions… If you don’t believe this, just think about when you were 8 years old. Think about your thoughts and emotions back then.  Did they stay the same up until now? No.  That means our identity goes much deeper. I believe our identity is simply our ability to observe, and our ability to take action.  Those are the only two things that have always been present (at an ontological level).

 

So to truly understand a thought or emotion, we need to separate ourselves from it, and simply observe it, find it interesting, and get curious.  Because why take it seriously if it’s only on its way out?

 

The second thing I had to understand was that every time I had a fear and faced it, there was some sort of growth that came as a result.  Some might consider this obvious, but the next part was not so obvious…

 

I’ve found that fear is excitement about something we have judged as harmful to us.

 

Just think about that for a moment: “Fear is excitement about something we have judged as harmful to us.”

 

Afraid to quit your job and start a business? It’s because your mind took something that’s very exciting to you, and told you all the reasons you might starve and die and if you do this. Afraid to ask out that girl?  You’re excited at the notion, but your mind has convinced you that the rejection could be completely devastating.

 

Let me give you the most base example.  My mother does not have a fear about skydiving. But the reason is not courage. The reason is she’s never been skydiving and never wants  to go skydiving. It’s not even on her radar.  Thus she spends absolutely no time being afraid of it.  But people who think about it and get really scared are those would love to do it, but they’re worried they’ll die (or they’re just afraid of fear itself).

 

Now that I know what fear is, I start to get excited when I feel it, because I know there’s gold there. And as they say, courage is not the lack of fear. It’s feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

 

It’s my hope that you’ll think of this post the next time you’re afraid, separate your identity from the emotion, and smirk because you know what’s up.  🙂

The Two Kinds of Relationships

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I’m no relationship expert, but I do see patterns.
In my own life, and my friends’ lives I see two types of romantic relationships:  Growth relationships and partner relationships…

 

Growth relationship

 

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A growth relationship is anywhere from a few weeks to a few years. It’s exciting, it’s spicy, it’s all kinds of unpredictable. It’s the one that your friends didn’t want to tell you, but they knew it ultimately would not work out.  But you were still drawn to it, like a moth to the flame.  The flame of passion is the draw, but the source is different. We find the person attractive largely because we admire qualities that we actually want for ourselves. But instead we believe we can simply acquire them in the other. In psychological terms, it’s a positive projection. It’s our own gold hiding in what see in others.  But if we get honest about it, through the relationship we can become the person we actually want to be.

 

Signs of a growth relationship:
  • Strong highs and lows
  • Desire to analyze the situation constantly, and control the outcome
  • Second guessing the other person
Benefits:
  • Exciting
  • Highly passionate
  • Potential to learn a lot about yourself
Challenges:
  • Triggers all your insecurities and deep fears
  • Makes you question your own instincts
  • Hard to deal with if one person wants it to become a partnership relationship (see below)
Advice: 
Enjoy your time because it will end sooner than you think.  Don’t delay the progress of the relationship. Stay real, don’t shit yourself, and be thankful for all you’re learning. Grow fast because whoever learns those deep lessons first will then lose the attraction for the partner.

 

 

Partnership relationship

 

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All relationships involve growth, but in a partnership relationship the commitment is to the relationship itself, rather than to each of the individuals’ personal growth.  These last from 9 months to a lifetime. The couple feels like a cohesive unit, or best friends. There tends to be less drama, and more stability. Taking out the notion of the “soul mate” one can have many partnership relationships in a lifetime.  A partnership relationship can develop out of a growth relationship, but not vice versa.

 

Signs of a Partnership relationship
  • Feels like your best friend
  • Immediate comfort
  • Total acceptance
Benefits:
  • Very stable
  • Great for taking on bigger challenges in life (kids, saving the world, etc)
  • Support allows each person to live into their larger purpose
Challenges:
  • Not as exciting as growth relationships
  • Can be unhealthy and co-dependent if the partners are not stable in their individual lives.
  • Tendency to settle into boredom without consciously creating new experiences
Advice: 
Focus on developing the friendship. Constantly build in new experiences. Go to a tantra class.

 

I’ve had many of both types of relationships, but I have not had this particular distinction until now. I used to think the distinctions were either a) soulmate or b) total friggin confusion.  Neither ended up being particularly healthy.

 

Seeing relationships in this light, I feel much more prepared, and I have to wonder what would happen if I brought this into the conversation BEFORE starting a relationship rather than only seeing it afterward.

 

POST NOTE: I’ve shared the concept with a few people who think there could be a larger book out of this. I’d love to get your opinion and especially YOUR STORIES. I think there are more patterns to discover and more wisdom that you may have.

 

Please let me know what you think in the comments, and if you feel like sharing your own story, email me at Robert@Richman.LA

 

 

Art of the vision board

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Why do a vision board? Why do anything? Because it’s fun…. if it’s not fun, you’re doing it wrong.

One school of thought says to find the images of everything you want and and place it on a board. I think that’s too boring. I like to mix in the process of simply grabbing a ton of magazines, flipping through them and ripping out any image that sticks out… for whatever reason.

The above is what I created.  The below explains what I love about some of the images, once I thought about them…

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There’s no one way to do a vision board. In fact, my friend Charles (my co-conspirator/co-founder of The Affinity Lab) has a different take.  Check out his…

Charlesvisionboard

Whatever your desires, your goals, the things that keep you up at night, the ideas you want to make real, the irrational hungers, the imaginary friends, the future lovers, and the movie in your mind…

…get it out of your head and into the world.