Call it karma, call it feeling good, call it whatever you want… but it works.
I discovered it one Saturday night when a homeless person asked me for help as my friends and I walked to a night club. I had leftovers from dinner in my hands, and he lit up in gratitude when I handed him the bag. Suddenly I felt a lift in my spirit and I was in a great mood for the rest of the night.
Now, rather than leaving these moments to chance, I make a “sacrifice to the party gods” before the weekend begins. I like that term because it’s an acknowledgment that not everyone is free, and not everyone can even eat. But rather than feel guilty about it, I turn it into an opportunity to do something. And call it a placebo if you like (placebos are proven to be quite powerful)…my weekends are much better when I do.
To me, giving is about finding projects that excite me, where I feel like my hard-earned money is making a major difference. Here are the organizations I have chosen:
This is literally saving lives, and 100% of my donation goes directly to the work (because sponsors cover their operation costs). Every $20 saves a life. How amazing is that? I’ve already had one well funded (serving 250 people) by rallying friends and family. Now I auto-donate monthly so it never skips my mind.
Human Traffiking and sex slavery is the 3rd most profitable organized crime. It breaks my heart to know these kids are going through it. Oddly enough, it was a song by the New Pornographers (“When I was a baby”) that educated me about all of this. I also auto-donate here to make sure I don’t forget.
This site is really cool because you have the power to greenlight projects. It’s entirely focused on under-funded schools. Last time I funded a project the teacher sent me a package with photos and letters from the kids who were thankful for the supplies I bought them.
Try getting into giving as a habit…I find it feels oddly selfish and enjoyable when you do it right.
Good days are WAY too important to make them an accident. Here’s how to guarantee them…
Rule of thumb: Don’t check your email/phone/facebook first thing in the morning.
This puts you in reactionary mode. You’re responding to other people’s worlds, rather than creating your own. That means you let the forces around you dictate your entire day, and that’s a big gamble. You may not even notice the effects until you take a good look at your mild annoyances, never-ending to-do list, interruptions from co-workers… and see how much power they have over you.
There are many morning rituals to follow, but after years of experimentation here’s what works best for me. I often vary up the order of these things, depending on my mood:
1. 15 minutes of mediation
I set a timer and sit there for 15 minutes, and just breathe and observe. No judgments at all. I am watching my own thoughts but sometimes I become the thoughts. When I realize I’m doing this, I re-center, and notice again. Freedom from thought does not mean NO thoughts. It means realizing I am NOT my thoughts. My thoughts are a residue of memories, fantasies, worries, and all kinds of other things. They are not ME. The more I get in touch with the observer, the more I am free.
2. Theme song
I pick a theme song for the day, and often jump around on my rebounder while listening (and singing) to it. It’s like a natural form of coffee, and it’s great for the lymphatic system.
3. Program my brain
I like to proactively put thoughts I want into my brain. Inspiring books are great for this. I’m particularly inspired by A Course in Miracles. I find it mind-blowing. I read one section (2 pages) and one workbook exercise every morning. Per Tim Ferriss’ recommendation, I now read with the Philips Blu-light, a remarkable device that helps me get my sunlight, and generally lifts moods, especially in the winter.
4. Get into motion
I like to run around for 10 minutes or more. Gets the blood going. Sometimes I will either mix in the theme song, or I will run silently and think about that for which I’m grateful. Gratitude immediately replaces most negative emotions. I find that the more specific I am, the better it works. So rather than think about being thankful for my parents, I think about specific things I appreciate about them.
5. A good breakfast
I can’t believe how many people skip this. After years of playing with different approaches to food, I find that the slow carb diet works phenomenally well. All you have to do is read this short plan for the slow food diet, and that’s all you really need to know. I like to mix this with green smoothies during the day, popularized in Green for Life. Amazing way to get your veggies and greens in a drink.
I do all of this before touching the computer. Try it. The cosmic joke is that freedom comes through constraints.
How to Go from Zero to 60 on your projects.
I recently had a break through. I was staring at my list of 2011 goals, in sheer terror. It was one of those moments where I could only sit there. It wasn’t as if someone handed me this list of goals. I set them myself. So there was no one to blame. I couldn’t pretend I was the victim of an oppressive boss. And my email inbox was empty, so there was nothing left to distract me… It was just me and the goals.
So I reached out rather than suffered alone. And in a conversation with friend and coach, Shelli Johnson we created solutions to the problem.
Here are the tips to go from 0-60 on your project.
NOTE: This assumes you are actually excited about what you’re doing. Remember there is only one answer when you ask yourself if you want to do something. The answer is“Hell yes!” If that’s not the answer, then you need to drop it, get someone else to do it, or get a new job.
For those with the passion, here’s how you get rollin…
1. Focus on the High Leverage
Not all projects are equal. High leverage means the ratio of input to output is extremely high. Put a little in, get a ton out of it. That can mean picking venture with higher margins, a project where you already have the resources ready to go, or look at your project list. Which are the most important ones? Zone in on those, and use remainder time for the others.
2. Find the Overlap
If you have a ton of different projects, release yourself from the belief that they must all be completed. That can take a lot of the burden off, and for those that remain, we can use pattern recognition to see cross-overs. Look at similar projects that can be combined, or results of one project that can feed another. Find the synergies.
3. Share ownership
You never have to go it alone. Think about who else can help. Think beyond co-workers. Think of mentors, interns, partners, advisors. Don’t carry this alone. There are very few things in this world we can do alone.
4. Check Yo Self
Richard Branson said working out gives him an extra three hours of productivity. At a minimum, take a walk and gain perspective. Seriously, you’re most likely not saving lives, and soon enough you will completely forget about this moment entirely, so why stress over it? Once you start realize how silly you’re being, productivity comes back.
5. Create a sense of progress
Some of the best executing companies in the world (like IDEO), make their ideas very visible and track their progress. One easy technique is to use kanban boards. It’s important that they inspire as much as they remind.
6. Calendar it out
Face it. Your time is limited. Get realistic – put down the deadline and the major milestones on calendar. You’ll feel better, and you’ll get real with yourself on what’s really possible and what’s not.
7. Make sure to celebrate
Okay, this one may sound silly but it’s really related to productivity. Celebrate the wins! Have a party, play a theme song, jump up and down, do shots…whatever you gotta do. I admit to not knowing the science behind it. I just know it works (and it feels good).
That’s it. I’d love to hear your comments about what works for you.
Values are the DNA that run our lives. Whatever it is that drives you, there’s a value there. Whatever you wish you had more of, there’s a value there. What you admire in others…a value.
But what if certain values were more valuable than others? What if there was a value that created leverage for us to achieve all the other values?
To me that value is willingness…
Willingness to try new things.
Willingness to listen.
Willingness to follow your heart.
Willingness to be wrong, or even do what’s “wrong.”
Willingness to act irrationally.
Willingness to do it, despite the fear.
Willingness to fail.
It’s had a huge impact on my life over the past several months…
I spent half my life trying to be vegetarian, now I’m experimenting with the Paleo diet, and learning from all the vegans who have debunked the China Study. I grew up Jewish and studied it intensely, now I’m learning immensely from the channeled readings of Christ in A Course in Miracles. I’m even dating the kind of women I thought I would never be with, and I’m having a blast.
Willingness disarms a very dangerous belief. It’s the belief that we know what’s best for ourselves and for others. Now keep in mind, the keyword here is “belief.” How many times in your life have you wanted something (or somebody), and then it wasn’t all that great? Now instead imagine you are willing to let go of your desires. Imagine that maybe you don’t know what’s best for you. But you’re willing to experience, to listen, to fully engage in the moment. Then rather than imagining what’s good for you (a belief), you will know it for certain.
That’s the process of knowing. I call it real-time fulfillment.
I just put together this love potion amulet. But it’s no ordinary potion, and no ordinary love.
First off, most potions you drink. But that’s just sketchy. This is a combination of ancient oils to massage on your temples. Secondly, most love potions make someone fall in love with you. But where’s the fun in that? It’s like playing soccer with no opposing team. No, this is a different kind of love potion.
This potion makes you fall in love… with yourself.
But let’s take a step back to explain how I got here.
You may know of a ritual in which you write down exactly what you want in a lover. Half the couples I know in the spiritual / self-development world made lists of exactly what they want in a partner, and a vision of their life together. As a fan of Tony Robbins, NLP, and every other discipline that believes thoughts shape our world, I have done this several times.
Sometimes it works with shocking success (and I learn about things I should have included on the list). Other times it’s felt as though God took the list from my hands and said, “Hmmm, yeah. You don’t really want this. I know you think you do. But I got something in better in mind. Oh, and in the meantime I’m going to put you through a few trials and tribulations to get you ready.”
So at this point I’ve become rather tired of the shopping list approach to “manifesting” the perfect partner. I’m much more interested in what’s simple and of absolute most importance. As Mr. Rogers said before his death, “Life is simple and deep. But we make it complex and shallow.”
Now I know that one simple thing.
When I met dating expert David Shade at Burning Man, he told me about a product he created called “Selecting Women Wisely.” He spent 5 years happily married to a beautiful woman, and they had children together. Then she left him for a “bad boy” and he was devastated. Looking back he realized he had chosen very poorly. He chose a person who was never happy enough to fully be there with him. The reason? She had very little self-esteem. She didn’t value herself highly, so she had to always look for validation on the outside.
In other words, she didn’t love herself.
It felt like a revelation to hear this. I looked back on my lists and saw this one quality throughout, like quarks running the energy within every atom and molecule. If we love ourselves, in other words, if we fully accept ourselves, admire ourselves, and trust ourselves to learn from our experiences, then we can be happy in any situation.
Could I fall in love with anyone who loves themselves? Of course not. But I see how crucial it is, and how every other desirable quality can disappear in the face of its lack.
So why the potion? I have a strong desire to see people strip away all the self-criticism, drama and stress so that they can fully shine, smile and light up the room. That’s when we make friends for life, help each other grow, or just go on some wild crazy adventures.
Here’s to the eye-opening, scary, wondrous, brilliant, torrid love affair with ourself.
So you’re pitching a (business, idea, product)…but what makes it sexy?
I’m thinking about this word because I just flipped through the channels to see the special 200th episode of Dancing with the Stars and team Kristi is kicking team Apollo’s arse, and it’s clear why…. Team Kristi’s moves are sexy, sexy, and sexy.
So what does that word mean? The interesting thing is that it doesn’t mean “sex” at all. In fact, if something is blatantly about sex (like pornography) then it’s really not sexy, it’s just tacky. The word sexy means “arousing sexual desire” – which is both our most base, animalistic pursuit, and simultaneously our most spiritual means of connection.
Think about that… our most animal desire, AND our most spiritual craving to merge with another person and create life.
Can you imagine if that was the emotion your product evoked?
Imagine a brand new black BMW pulls up next to you. Does it make the driver gorgeous, smooth, elegant, fast and in control? No! Not at all. But wow does it evoke those emotions.
People don’t actually buy the thing they’re buying. They are really buying the emotion that they believe the product will give them. They are buying the “future state” they will be in, once they have it in their possession.
The mistake I see marketers making is that they’re just too blatant (much like pornography). Simply giving benefits, reasons, and features is a losing game. It’s like walking up to someone and trying to explain that you’re a very cool person. It just feels wrong, even if you make a good case.
So “How do we get them to buy?” is never a good question. The better question is what emotion are you selling? And how can you show that without even saying a word.