Does this sound familiar to you? You know someone who goes off to a weekend seminar, and they come back “a new person.” They can’t stop talking about it, and yet they don’t make much sense except for their clear message that you have to do the same thing, and at worst, they’ll think less of you if you don’t. And then several weeks later, they’re back to their old selves, their old bad habits, and nothing really changed.
Well, that was not what happened to me. Quite the opposite (which is why I’m conveying all of this weeks after the event).
The first day I got back, I felt a sore throat come on all of the sudden. By the next day I woke up and thought, “If I could simply feel completely awful, that would be a massive improvement.” I went to the doctor who diagnosed me with swine flu. That was a fun week, but it got worse…
I coughed so much for two weeks that I would wake up at all hours. Codeine, Robitussin and a healthy shot of Nyquil couldn’t stop the coughing. It was painful and I couldn’t sleep. I went on a 10-day course of antibiotics, and it was still there. I went through a Z-pack 5-day course of antibiotics as well.
Some could say I simply got sick, but my belief is that I was clearing out years worth of pain around my heart. Pain, memories and a loneliness I had not acknowledged. One of the worst nights I was lying at home in my apartment, thinking dreadfully, “If I were to die this weekend, no one would even look for me till Wednesday.” Dramatic, of course, but what hit me over those two weeks as I watched awful reality shows and sat on my couch eating loads of comfort foods was just how alone I felt, and how ready I was for all that to change.
By Thanksgiving the cloud finally began to lift. And that’s when I realized why all of this happened, because there’s a big part of this story I left out…
You see, by Thanksgiving, I knew the first woman I saw at the hotel before the Deida event would become the love of my life. (update: Not really, but it was a great relationship and we learned a lot)
But that’s another story, for another time 😉